So in this video I'd like to welcome back Karen once again I would like to just build upon what I've
shared with you in the last video that moves a little bit a little bit long wasn't it.
We looked at these and 13 different irrational and unhelpful beliefs that people can subscribe to and
operate out off in life.
Now what I want to raise your attention to just before we get started is a really cool resource.
This is an ecology resource that we've built into the course made available for you.
It's a very simple template a set of questions that you can use with your clients to help identify their
limiting beliefs.
No I would suggest you can you know you build this into a repertoire of life coaching resources in the
same way that you'll hopefully have both the socratic questioning worksheet into as well.
And we want to do this demonstration.
It might not be the case that we uncover anything new with current.
In fact as you're watching this it might even seem like we're kind of going a little bit overkill on
Karen's issue but all I really want to suggest is that there's always more than one way to skin a cat.
So when we're working with people's goals or you know especially when we've reached the stage of the
coaching relationship where we've become clear on what that unhelpful limiting belief is.
It's not like we can really spend too much time eradicating unhelpful beliefs.
Why.
And because the more time we spend making sure that it's dead the better chance there is that you know
we've actually killed it which is what we really want to do is really only when we kill and eradicate
the limiting beliefs from our client's life.
Therefore they're going to be free to move beyond them with me this OK.
So I'm all I'm going to ask Karen just to consider reflect fully is the problem or the limitation that
is actually held her back in life for a while.
No we want to ask these questions in a very broad unambiguous way because what we do want to do is life
coaches don't want to try and pigeonhole our clients to go down any particular path that we think should
good time.
When we ask questions we want to be making them as broad and as ambiguous as possible given our clients
and the freedom to choose what direction they want to answer the questions in.
Does that make sense.
So Curran Can I ask you if you'd be willing to consider a problem or a rule or a limitation that you
feel has held you back in life for a while.
We're just going to explore it and see where see where this goes.
Yeah sure.
And so on.
On the back of some of the conversations we've had I've become more aware that the problem for me is
is not pushing myself or a lot not putting myself in uncomfortable positions.
And that might be public speaking or new challenges.
Things that take me out of my comfort zone a bit through
was actually through are leading us to to put myself in these situations.
OK.
So if I'm thinking about some of Albert Ellis's unhelpful beliefs as one of them I must have an easy
happy life or I cannot enjoy living at all.
I must have an easy and easy and happy life.
Yeah me maybe a little a safe seat comfortable.
Yeah.
When faced with danger I must avoid I must avoid taking risks at all costs.
Cannot.
It's not okay to live life in a dangerous we must stay safe must remain in a comfort zone and a place
of safety and security.
You can relate to both right.
Okay.
It's interesting though.
Bear in mind when we're having a conversation with our client it's not like we're just going to spill
out the you know oh but Alice is 13 and limiting unhelpful beliefs like what I presented in the last
video.
And it's sometimes just going to be worth us having a bit of a lighthearted conversation until we've
got clear on what the actual limitation is and what I want to suggest here is that we look to identify
a limiting belief.
All right an idea that our client has bought into that is really not serving them at all.
So we say we start with this.
So current if we could just look at the idea or the belief that you've kind of bought into it the past
is really seems to have done your life a bit of a disservice what would it be.
I and is secure and see taking risks are not a good thing.
You need to feel secure and safe take a risk is a bad thing.
Interesting.
I'm wondering where you learned a lot of what point of the lesson and the learning process.
Yeah.
Okay cool.
So are you able to see how it is that this idea or this belief has can held you back in different areas.
Oh yeah.
You just could you give me a few examples.
Let's get clear this is actually doing you a disservice
in present day.
I'm not doing some of the things that I would really like to be doing but pushing myself and striving
for new connections with people or even going back to my days of study.
I went and did a safe course something that I perceived as being a safe and secure job rather than following
my passion.
She went to get a sensible job a sensible good sensible job rather than just doing what you were passionate
about not what she enjoyed.
Because I would have involved you in stepping outside the comfort zone and taking a risk perhaps operating
inside of the realms of uncertainty or something like that.
Yeah and not the norm of what I people like many people because most people just do sensible jobs in
life don't they.
Yeah sensible jobs to pay the bills.
Interesting.
OK.
So I no.
What you'll probably be able to.
I'm just using these these questions as kind of like a very very rough template.
I'm not following them or reading them as a script although when you first start out and the first time
you use them you might want to just read them as they are to begin with but at that time you'll just
build them into the flow off of a conversation.
So Karen looking forward to the future.
OK looking forward to the future.
What is it you would like to to do or be able to do or what is it you would like to have.
Up until notice this thing this idea has prevented you from get
or should go.
What would you actually really like.
What do you want I would really like to not be questioning myself when I'm trying new things but getting
more comfortable pushing myself and doing stuff that I've never done before like public speaking Oh
I've done an element of it like becoming competent in and meeting new people and and loving the challenge
of it rather than questioning how good I am on it or just drew the question mark over my head.
OK so what is it you would say there's really stopping you from from having this was really stopping
you from having this
as me.
I'm not putting myself in these situations often so that's that's my so that must who's stopping you
from getting this is no one else is stopping you from getting this before is about you.
That's stopping you from getting this
my laziness my apathy your laziness your apathy.
Okay now we're getting honest aren't we.
Responsibility breeds empowerment doesn't it.
Yeah.
Once we own our stuff we can.
We can then surpass it we can move beyond it and trust it OK.
So this is a problem because your apathy laziness Your unwillingness is an unwillingness to actively
pursue these things that you want.
And on my last year at this bill I'm just wondering why this says just because you're you're entitled
to an easy life or what is it.
What is it you.
Was was the outlook on life is generally apathy and laziness kind of walks in hand hand-in-hand with
another idea like life should be easy.
My life and my life will just work out.
Someone somewhere in our higher power the universe will take responsibility for me the things that I
want what would you say is a naivete like you just said that that my life will just work out your life
would just work out someone someone along the way will make it work out for me.
Someone somewhere along the way though would it be okay just to be just get totally honest.
Alright let's see if we can really really unpack this.
No.
See I understand a bit about your background I know you were brought up in quite a religious family.
You spent a lot of a large part of your life involved in various church Christian organizations Christian
groups and I understand how the word faith is used in various religious contexts Yeah.
So I'm just wondering you know what sort of expectation you kind of hard off life.
God the Universe when it was that God will go to make my life work God or make your life work outside
will provide the things I want interesting as with or without any effort on your part.
Well without any effort on my part without so God to make your life work out without any effort on your
part.
I'm currently unhealthy just all just a little bit just a little bit interesting right.
So let's go there.
Alright until we start spilling the beans and actually getting down into the nitty gritty the flaming
details of what is actually true for you.
Right well let's just look at what this.
In order for this we are looking at life.
This is an expectation or is an entitlement.
What is it.
What would you say.
Is it more of an expectation God or just make your life work out.
You just sit back and wait and you know what is an entitlement.
Is it just an expectation.
Well what is it.
What is it you're entitled to.
What is it you've historically been entitled to for police like what you believe.
You will completely be entitled to
I'm not sure if it's entitlement or expectation.
I think there is an expectancy that life will just work out.
Life would just work out fine the things I want you but the things that you want.
Yeah so you'll get what you want in life whilst making as little effort as what you can.
Yeah.
Which which is really the same as entitlement isn't it.
I'm entitled to say all these things will come my way.
Therefore on my part I wonder why you're atlas
on the Queen that being the case
when you heard things handed to you on a plate yeah.
Yeah.
That's just what they'll look at as an obscenity.
We actually learn this.
That's a good response by the way.
I'm genuinely intrigued.
How you got me got me a question in that.
Guess that I didn't really want especially growing up into my 20s and my mom was very good at taking
care of me and I went away to you need it and I came back home and about oh just allowed me to continue
being lazy and not taking responsibility for my own life like moving out and get my own place.
So mom did a pretty good job of taking responsibility for you.
Yeah.
In which she says it was yeah.
Yeah.
So Mom then a pretty good job of taking responsibility for you which meant that you didn't need to take
responsibility for yourself.
Interesting.
OK so if you didn't need to take responsibility for yourself and those aspects of your life what it
is if you like did you need to take responsibility for or was your perspective one of just someone to
take responsibility for all aspects of my life.
Someone somewhere.
When I read and studied and I did well in that but I didn't I didn't even get that mile.
You didn't even invest yourself fully.
No.
Your studies.
No.
Partly because my heart wasn't really in it but also I didn't I didn't give it my Marco energy
almost like naively thinking that something was wrong at the end of it you know rather than me driving
something or pushing a career square halfhearted effort.
So rather than you are actively driving yourself and really pushing yourself to grow and learn in life.
The build a life for myself rather than both the life for yourself you're just waiting for Mom.
God the universe to take care of everything for you.
Interestingly enough the talk about this kind of thing inside of the secret as well and not knocking
any books or anything like this but just think and to being home and to be in prey into being and it
shall be nine times out of ten Faith and Action What kind of hand and faithful action can be a little
bit naive.
Oh interesting.
Okay so we've gone a little bit off track but it is good just to you know play around with these beliefs
isn't it.
Just to name them shame them.
Call them I would draw from the unconscious into the conscious.
All right so what does this belief meant for you.
Historically life you know will just work out let's go without one life would just work out without
any active involvement or engagement or effort on your part.
It's kind of something like this isn't it.
It's like what is this meant meant
as meant that on one hand I've lived quite quite a easy life because I haven't strive I don't really
strive for anything in terms of building my own life or business or an but on the other hand I've not
got many of the things that I want and actually probably the biggest thing is that empowerment through
that would only come through doing these things for myself.
So it hasn't served me at all so hasn't served in the past and what does this idea is we are looking
at life mean about your life today.
What does it mean today.
Today
things just work out.
It mean it means it today.
I'm so hesitant to put myself forward for the things that I would actually actually want in life or
push myself because I haven't practiced that over the years.
So we're still on some level and the particles we hold him back wait for someone else to do stuff initiate
things.
Yeah Stone level there.
So as long as you as long as you maintain this attitude so look in life and it's going to mean about
your future.
Realistically this is going to mean about your future.
And I don't actually get what I want.
You won't get what you want.
And the same or some the same or similar or different way from how you've got what you wanted in the
past.
Has this ever got you what you wanted in the past.
No.
Again what you want today.
No.
Will I get you what you want in the future.
No one.
Okay.
So what is it that you would say then.
You
if we're to really name let's call it a name and shame it.
What does he want.
Really genuinely believe there's made this problem exist.
What is it you actually believe.
I need to feel safe and secure.
You need to feel safe and secure.
And if you don't feel safe and secure this is terrible yeah yeah.
If you don't feel safe and secure this is absolutely terrible.
It's just not okay.
It's not interesting isn't it.
When we start looking on this level all down where else.
He wasn't that crazy was he.
He kind of knew what he was talking about Danny.
It's a little better.
Okay.
What would you say that you have grown to believe about yourself that has made this issue an issue for
you.
Or do you believe about you personally.
I think there's an element of I can't I can't do these things I can't do these things that I want to
do.
I can't do these things that I want to do by myself.
I can't do these things.
Therefore I need someone else to do them for me.
I can't take responsibility for myself.
Yeah I can't take responsibility for myself.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Who can no one can.
No one else can take responsibility for me.
Who will take responsibility for your no one or both.
Big guy big GC God universe.
I bet Mom
34 most of them have gone.
Life is a process isn't it.
Of growing up and I put off the limiting beliefs and ideas that would develop back when we're young.
We develop all these things back in our own back in our youth from our children.
But if we are not actively looking to understand ourselves become aware of ourselves and ultimately
grow and change ourselves then these ideas are going to remain.
How would you feel right now having this conversation in front of a camera that tens of thousands of
people are going to watch yes.
It's quite humbling really to could admit the immaturity of the bully.
You know it's so the image the belief itself is immature isn't it.
It is childlike.
But when we start looking on this level right we develop these beliefs about ourselves.
Back when we have children there's nothing nothing complicated about this.
Just a conversation.
It was a story earlier on about the guy on the captain of the oil tanker here who ended up calling the
expert and he charged all this money because you just knew where to look.
Yeah all right well we want to really start facilitating and bringing change about in our lives.
We've got to know where to look to identify those parts of ourselves that need changing.
All right.
Our beliefs are always going to be the cause of the unwanted effects the unwanted effects are not not
getting what I want.
So the effect is not getting what you want because of not getting what you want.
As if any cheerfully life must be easy.
You know most secure.
Must feel secure and feel safe.
So if we then flip that on its head and the court we do want what is it we do want.
I want to grow on risk when you want this thing say a connection we understand at some point in the
past there was some some experiences that you heard that validate this belief right.
A mom came through for you Mom came through for you again.
Mom came through for you again.
Mom kept on coming through which would have obviously validated this idea that someone else is going
to take responsibility for your life.
But today no one is actually going to take responsibility for your life.
What new course of action must you start taking and start pushing myself.
And then you really needs to be that risk is actually healthy that's good.
And risk is good.
Risk is healthy.
How are you going to know the risk is good risk.
Risk is healthy.
I'll know in time as I see results in time as you see results.
You can actually get more of the things I want.
Okay interesting.
And so
what would life be like when you don't have this belief anymore.
I'll be more confident taking risks and pushing myself for the progress that I actually want.
So being a bit more comfortable outside my comfort zone.
Okay.
What's the first step you can take towards this today or tomorrow.
It's the first step you can take the day off tomorrow.
Because isn't something that I guess you can.
You can even allow yourself time to think about faith and action isn't it.
Yeah.
So the lips of the new Hobbit must be taken action taken action.
So what action could you take the day off tomorrow.
That allow you to start learning something new
there's a is an event half heartedly committed to at the moment on the horizon and really commit to
it.
Now you know what that means.
Fantastic.
Let's finish this conversation here.
So what I'm hoping we've demonstrated is how it is that we can just get there.
All right.
Finding and sourcing our clients limiting beliefs is just is just conversational right.
This is all really coaching is it's about coaching our clients to look a little bit deeper look a little
bit deeper and ultimately take greater degrees of responsibility for that which is true by them and
what they believe.
All right.
Just a conversation.
Now if you were following along this list this set of questions you probably noticed I got to run the
boat questions 7 and then a Brooks script.
All right.
No we did kind of get there in the end but what I'm saying is when you start practice you might want
to use these questions as a template or as a gate to begin with but in time and it does become a lot
more fluid for you and you'll just naturally get engaged in the conversation and all you're really doing
as a coach is responding to what your client is is giving you or sharing with you so critically.
All right just bringing back the Socratic questions for earlier or from earlier on.
It's not like I'm asking these questions here but the questions that I'm asking are Socratic by nature
or seeking just to establish what is true to bust assumptions to get down into the nitty gritty the
facts of what this has actually held.
Come back in this area for much of our life.
So this is a questions to help find the limiting beliefs though this is when the life coaching process
starts getting interesting.
All right because once we've established the core reasons why our clients haven't got what they want
in life so far up until I know we can start looking in a slightly more helpful direction i.e. just in
the direction of what they actually do want and also what they're willing to start doing by water.
So there's a few more concepts and models that I want to share with you.
And this section one of them being the core identity coaching model.
All right.
Because many of the beliefs that we developed about ourselves are going to be in relation to our selves
our own capacities our own abilities and our abilities to perform.
So the core identity coaching model that I'll be coming onto shortly and we'll just kind of like be
the icing on the cake for poor Karen where we gathered to decide who she actually is the core and also
who she isn't because the way in which we define ourselves.
Nine times out of 10 often determines how we act and unpaved and respond.
So I hope you found this demonstration useful and what I'm going to strongly encourage you to do right
now is go in print off these questions and go and practice with someone and if you're watching this
course and want to the e-learning Web sites Udemy or somewhere like that then go and find a family member
or a child or a friend or a co-worker or a husband or a wife or something like this and just work through
the question list honestly can't break anyone with this if you're a member of ecology then go and find
one of your fellow peer ecologists and ask them to jump on a call with you and.
And practice on on someone else but practice practice practice practice doesn't make us perfect it just
makes us passionately better life coaching than what we've ever been before so you can't break anyone
with this stuff.
Hope you found this demonstration useful helpful insightful and all look forward to seeing you again
in the next clip.